


Clown Shoes

by Missy



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Case Fic, Clowns, Friendship, Gen, Halloween heist, Humor, Serial Killers, twist ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: A typical Halloween heist is ruined by a clown-obsessed serial killer.  So, your average Thursday for Holt and Jake.
Relationships: Ray Holt & Jake Peralta
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14
Collections: Multifandom Horror Exchange (2020)





	Clown Shoes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Black_piano_keys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_piano_keys/gifts).



“This is low, Captain,” said Jake Peralta, standing over a very short man in a very tight clown costume, who had a sign reading ‘read me or someone else gets it’ pinned to their chest. “Murdering someone just so you won’t lose this year’s heist.”

“I can assure you, murder is beyond me,” said Holt, standing and sighing. “That’s a very dead party clown. One which I did not order.”

Jake gaped at the dead man, then at his superior officer. “Do I have to clean him up?”

Holt sighed deeply. “I’m going to radio for the meat wagon. We need to check every room of this motel. This…clown motel,” Holt said, his eyebrow rising. “Can you help me with that without falling to pieces?”

“I’m not close to falling to pieces!” Jake said. “I’m a cool, icy cucumber! Fresh from the back of the freezer!” Holt sighed deeply, almost expectantly, as he pushed the vic onto his back and made mental notes about his position, the condition he’d been found in.

“It looks like we have an actual perp trying to disrupt the games this year,” said Holt. “Like a jackal in the night, he’s arrived to eat our competitive chickens. It’s time to go into lockdown mode.”

“Won’t that put everything to a stop? Which means no one’s an Amazing Detective Slash Genius?

“Jake, I have another man’s blood on my shoes. I think this is more important than a trophy made out of paper plates spray-painted with gold.”

“Ruining the magic there, Captain.”

****

**~~CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC~~**

It didn’t take them too terribly long to figure out that their perp hadn’t had idle hands while they were securing the scene. There was another body half-hidden in the grass outside the abandoned apartment complex, this one entirely missing its head.

“I really hope he doesn’t have an Ichabod Crane fetish,” said Captain Holt, wincing as he covered the body with a blanket. “I do not need to deal with the sort of person who would fling another person’s head at an unsuspecting human being tonight.”

“Does anyone?” Jake asked. He concentrated on the blood trail decorating the sand and hummed. “Do you think they dragged him across the lot?”

“A noteworthy development. Perhaps he was killed elsewhere while we were inside trying to find the next clue.”

“It’ll take forensics too long to tell us that,” said Jake. “We need answers now.”

“And answers we’ll have,” Holt said. “Let’s keep trying to trace the blood back to the street. If we can find a pattern, we can find a criminal.”

“Ooh, that’s catchy! Can I put it on my Facebook status?”

Holt stared at Jake and sighed, very quietly. They had three vics and no clue as to what their criminal pursuit was leading them to. But then again, Jake thought to himself, he rarely presumed to ask questions when the Nine-Nine went on the hunt. 

****

**~~CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC~~**

They might have guessed that the next step would be an entire human being, suspended from a flagpole by his red nose, with the words “warmer” sliced into their forehead.

“Another clown,” sighed Holt.

“That’s disrespectful,” Jake said. 

“No, note the shoes – elongated, bright red, and yellow soled. A clown.”

“So we’re chasing an angry clown,” Jake noted. 

“The angriest clown in the whole tent,” said Holt. “Damn it, I wish I had kept contact with the men who went to clown college with Kevin.”

“Kevin…went to clown college?”

“Yes, for a brief period. He wanted to be Marcel Marceau,” Holt explained. “It was during his wild period, before he met me.”

“Aha,” said Jake. “Not going to get the picture of him juggling in whiteface while miming parts of Shakespeare's poems out of my head for awhile.”

“Don’t try to make me homesick,” said Holt. “We need to find the man before it’s too late.”

Jake nodded, swore he’d buckle down and help. They followed the trail of blood to the north, up into an abandoned bell tower, where the trail finally ran to a stop. 

There were a lot of rickety stairs between them and the killer. Jake swallowed hard, and hoped that he’d managed to make it up there without falling off said staircase and onto his head.

****

**~~CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC~~**

He hung on to the edge of the stair by the tips of his fingertips, splinters poking away at fragile skin and his toes dancing for purchase out in the middle of the thinning air. 

“Stay calm, Jake,” Holt said. He had a hand on Jake’s arm and his eyes trained at the top of the stairs, where a man in a party hat and a red clown nose stood, holding a lead pipe.

“Kind of hard to do when a scary guy with a pipe wants to kill me,” said Jake.

“Well, you’re going to have to deal with it,” Holt grumbled. He reached for the scruff of Jake’s hoodie and pulled him bodily onto the wooden stairs, while his partner for the evening gasped. 

Suddenly, the assailant looked less than confident in his choice of targets. “Police!” shouted Holt.

“Don’t move! We’re not afraid to honk you up!” Shouted Jake. Holt sighed as he led him right up the stairs and wished Jake had asked for approval of all pun usage before they'd embarked upon this mission. 

****

**~~CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC~~**

A few minutes later, they finally had their clown. To Jake’s relief, said clown quickly confessed – three murders to get their attention and into the papers. Which meant he was never, ever getting out of jail.

Jake and Holt sat in the Captain’s office afterwards, discussing the case happily between them as they made their way through the paperwork related to the case. They’d both probably be commended. Or at least earn their own red noses.

It was Holt who found the first article on the case, and it was he who frowned at the paper, slapping it down with distaste. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Jake. 

“The worst possible thing has happened. They called me Ray in this article,” Holt said, glowering at the paper.


End file.
